9 more days until my dateline... this makes me think what I've been doing for the past few weeks. I actually cried before i go to sleep thinking about how the clock is ticking so fast. WEIRD? i know.
however, this stress helps me keep on going with my assignment. i would like to thank my lecturer at today's tutorial for mentioning what the facts needed in the assignment. now i know what I'm going to do tonight. Don't get me wrong i have started the assignment with the introduction. it's just that I'm pretty bad at structuring. So I'm glad for his guidance because now i know what's the sub-heading for the next chapter.
My mind is kind of in stable at the moment. i know that i am emotionally vulnerable and have a low self-esteem. i can't deny that because i feel it too. the fact of ACCEPTING the reality of life haven't sink in yet. My fault? Certainly is. Problem Solving? Currently None. Do i need a psychiatrist? I don't think it's that major.
Apa nya orang.. berantakan rasanya my life any. trying to stay strong, but i dont know how long i can take it. i'm actually fighting with my own self. As crazy as it may seem but it's true. i kept quiet because i dont think anyone can do anything about it. they're not the one who's experiencing it. im in denial? i think i'm still am. There are a lot of wishes in my mind right now but i know only 20% can be fulfilled. Sad ain't it?
Well, on the bright side, i'm still a Korean craze girl. when i stressed out, i turned on my Korean mode which is almost all the time. CAn't help it. LOL.
Well, i got to go back to my research now and grab some food after this before my tutorial. i think i've been gaining some weigth recently. if i said this to Mizah, she always give me that look 'are you kidding me'. LOL. woaaaa my shoulders hurts and my right knee hurts.. ALLAH KUATKAN LAH HAMBA MU <3
Tired~ Tired~ Tired~
Monday... Tuesday... Wednesday... Today, Thursday...
Time constraint. that's what I'm feeling now. Going back home, trying to rest but the brain keep on processing. i don't think my brain have enough rest. had my tutorial earlier. didn't got kick out like some others since i got warned yesterday by my group mate about being prepared for the cases. Thanks Alex. Well, i already read the cases and wrote something about it before he warned me because last week the tutor reminded us by saying "DON'T FORGET TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK". it's funny thinking that we're postgraduate students and he said the word "HOMEWORK". i feel like a kid now.
Last night, i was extremely exhausted after my group meeting from 2.30pm until 5.30 or so. So that's 3 hours!!!! Discussing mostly and it's tiring. thinking that's the only thing i had yesterday, is funny how it tires me a lot. Probably i didn't get enough rest these days. Suppose to attend today's early lecture with a guest speaker, but i bailed on that. it's not that I'm lazy but I'm contemplating whether to go or not to go. it's for all marketing students in business school. imagine how many hundreds will come. The lecturer first said it's compulsory and she will take attendance and then she said it wont be compulsory since the lecture theater will only fit 200 people and there will be estimated 500 students. that makes me think of the chances of waking up early in the morning, go to uni and walk up the stairs with my weak ankles and having arrive there with no seats. Will you go???? The only thing that makes me want to go is because the guest speaker is from Samsung (the company's Managing Director). oh well~ it's already passed.
The weather is not on my side lately. My ankles seems to be numb and 'karau' at times that makes me walk like a robot. am i complaining now? not really, somehow I'm kinda used to it. i don't really care when people are giving me the odd look. there are times when i feel like saying 'stop looking' but oh well, it wont solve anything anyway.
So anyway, during tutorial earlier.. i made a friend with this guy Mecca. But then i remembered he introduced himself as John in Marketing tutorial. he told me both is his names. So when he asked for my name i said Mas instantly. then when i signed my registration, the tutor call me Siti and i looked at Mecca saying that that's my name. i usually go for my second name but god knows what happened to the postgraduate office when they just put my name as 'Siti M'. So yea now my postgradute friends will call me Siti while my undergraduate friends call me Mas. Confusion will occur i tell you.. LOL. So when we discuss the answers, i asked him to do the presentation while i write it down on the piece of paper. then he said to me 'did anyone ever tells you that you're good in presentation'.. n i was like O_o 'huh'. then he said he was in the marketing tutorial with me and he said my presentation last week was really good. im not sure the complement is for me to the presentation instead of him or what. but he did give me the confidence to actually present our answers. i'm falling into his trap am i? LOL
i watched Jeremy Kyle this morning while reading my tutorial work again. i think i can actually memorise everything now hahahaha. the last case for the show was something between 'i don't know what i'm going to do after my mom died' i was crying like Hell man~ So touching. she wanted to get married but she doesnt have enough money. She's afraid that by the time she got the finance ready and everything the mother will not be there for the wedding. So Jeremy being so rich and kind he actually sponsored the wedding. i assume, he didnt actually say it himself though. So again i cried. It's so nice. Lucky them. I envy their love for each other (mother-daughter relationship). i miss Babu now *sniff*
Got to go home now. i feel so sleepy.
Labels: 마즈's Life
Life ain't that easy for me. Struggling that's what I'm feeling right now. My fault? i guess you can put it that way. Who else anyway, right? A way to start the post. Me ranting. LOL.
At times things are well organised. i like being in Uni rather than staying at home. Mainly because i got most of my work done in university. Why can't i do the same at home? i have no idea. The moment i step home, i always feel time flies so fast. My Korean Frenzies will took over. i know my obsession is crazy and there's no way for me to control them. actually there is, but... i can't be bothered.
Made a friend today with a Nigerian girl name Neeka. Nice name. now i sounded like a kindergarten kid saying 'mom, i made a friend today'. oh well *sigh*. i don't have a lot of friends in my course. it's so funny how i manage to make friends with people who is not in the same course as mine. mostly people who are doing International Business. Maybe i should take that instead of Business Management. LOL. At least that course don't have Managing Finance or any Accountant- related- subject.
This weekend, i have a lot of things to do for this weekend. whether or not i'm able to accomplish the task, insya Allah. Will have to start both my Managing Finance and Marketing assignment soon. because one will due in two weeks time and the other need to show the draft to the lecturer.
I'm being random now. Last night, me and Mizah talked about what kind of personality of the male species we like. She's like combining some guys. it makes me think before i go to sleep what kind of personality i like. or i thought i like, which likely will fit mine. suddenly, i thought of my assignment 'Learning Journal' which is a study about myself and to identify my personality. then CLICK. WTH i have no life!!! it seems like i have no other things in mind except for my health, my works and my Korean. At times when i think that i have no feeling for someone, it makes me lonely. however, is it that important? Am i afraid of something?
Well, have to go now. i have tutorial in half an hour. Let's hope that the tutor won't scold me for not giving enough effort on my work (which i did just now with a cup of Mocha. is it considered last minute?).
Mas Hwaiting!!!!! Gambatte ne~
Add: Received a packet this morning from Hanzi. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! Thank god i didnt buy it yet. i was about to. then i have the feeling u're going to buy it for me........ <3<3<3 i have MIROTIC album now!!!!
Labels: 마즈's Life
